Pub Life is Dharma Life
Okay, perfect. any insights, revelations, challenges, frustrations since last time I seen you guys?

Student: I had a revelation or an insight I guess. I noticed that sometimes in certain situations I’m feeling like I’m an imposter. Like I’m playing a role as opposed to feeling – like I’m totally comfortable – it’s not that – I just feel like I’m watching myself go through the motions. What’s all that about?

zen master e: So you feel like an imposter in certain situations? But we’re always imposters,

Student: I could usually pinpoint it. Because I was uncomfortable – or I was in socially awkward situations – new people or new place.

zen master e: And you put on a show.

Student: Now I feel like sometimes – I’m noticing it more and more in certain situations.

zen master e: Can you give me an example? So we can pinpoint it down?

Student: I’m not sure if imposter is the right word.

zen master e: Yeah, that’s what I was wondering. Like, is it like, like, you see the action arising without you there? The words are coming out without you there?

Student: Here’s an example: Sometimes when they get together with friends – it’s almost like I see the old Protibha. Starting up her usual. So tomorrow night I was invited to go for dinner at a pub with a group of friends and I’m kinda already, not dreading it, but I’m kind of already a little apprehensive, because I feel like that old Protibha comes comes out. Then I go home, not that berating myself. So how would I make myself more at ease in any situation?

zen master e: Well, so… I liked the words that you’re used there. The old Protibha came comes out, comes out of where? And what is noticing that the old Protibha has arisen? Right? Because in that wisdom is ease.

We just snap back into it. Right?

Does that make sense?

Because you know that something is – you’re not being authentic. This is a good word. You feel like maybe you don’t have the space to, the courage to. So It’s interesting, right as we progress further – I don’t even want to use these words progress and further and everything.

Student: Further along this path. That’s kinda the way – I feel like I was going a certain path I got off and now I’m going a different path.

Student 2: It’s as we create more awareness. It’s not necessarily as we “progress”. As we awaken.

zen master e: As we remove the hindrances, right. And so now, so now you see you’re being less you’re not being tossed about as much by your karma, by greed, hatred and delusion, right?

You’re seeing the truth of the situation.

You’re seeing the truth of yourself, right?

And you’re noticing.

When you fall out of Buddha mind, all this craziness happens, right?

Your words are unskillful your actions are unskillful, your thoughts are unskillful, right. All this stuff, right?

And then there’s certain things right, so you got to think about – when you hung out with these people, in these situations, having these talks, that happened for what, a decade?

Student: Two decades.

zen master e: two decades, 20 years, right? So 20 years of deep grooves and pattern and energy, Right.

So again, that’s why I like resting in the radiance – is really good, because it smooths out those things like – because you release yourself from them.

Student: But in that moment. As I’m sitting there – noticing – what can I do.

zen master e: So a couple things. Like If you don’t want to be there, Why are you there?

Student: Good point. I think I do want to be there, but I want to be there as me not as the old.

zen master e: Okay, so then this is the next question. Why do you think that you can’t be you there?

Student: I don’t think I can’t be – It’s just an automatic reaction. Because it’s the same conversations. It’s the same people, it’s the same sort of environment. And I just naturally sort of fall into that.

zen master e: Because you haven’t taken the lead on it. You haven’t put new suggestions for it, right? Because energy will flow through a groove that that’s deep, right, that’s already been established. Right? And Yeah, like when we say you keep going right, and you want to go left, you’re going to go right a bunch of time still, because the pattern is there, like the energies as goes that way. Right? And then you really we need some diligence. Right? And some vigilance over ourselves to be like, “Nuh Uh – it’s left, Left Ian left.”

Because it’s a pattern, it’s just energy, right? That’s used to going a certain way, right. And the brain is super, super smart. And once it figures out, “Oh, Protibha likes going right? Hey, make this a good path. And then Okay, yep. Reinforce this one, guys – she’s always gone right? Now reinforce it. Okay. Did you get the steel beams? And yeah, we got the extra cement. Yeah, okay, we need to schedule maintenance on this.”

Because the brain likes to be efficient. So this is just, it’s just, you’ve been you fired – you built that connection over 20 years.

Student 2: I still get I still do the same thing. Something that I’ve done – I feel like it’s working, progressing anyway, is that I’ll try to, If I catch myself, like, Okay, can I take five minutes and just sit back and watch – what I’ve done or where I am or bring myself back in my body? And then maybe I’ll get caught back in it again. And Boom! Ok then can I take two minutes and be here and sit and listen, take it all in? See what I want to say but try not to say it? And it’s just like sitting on the cushion? .

zen master e: You’re carried away? Come back. You’re carried away? Come back. Yeah. But it really it’s like, “Whoa!” Just letting it go. Right. Because you’ve grasped onto it, you’re clinging on to it, you’re believing the story – the energy is like you then right.

Student 1: Well and that’s funny because I’m a me here and a me there.

zen master e: Well, and that’s the thing, right? So then.

Student 1: And that’s where I feel a disconnect.

zen master e: Because It’s strong currents of energy, strong patterns, even like if you need to, like, figure out an anchor point.

So say you have cold water. Right? And that you keep your hand on the cold water, Right? Or you notice, and then you use a tactile anchor, like the body, but suddenly, because you’re using like the body touching, to kick you back. Even the sound, right? Even the spaciousness.

Because the space like nature of mind is always there for you. Right? We’ve become entangled, right? And like, say it’s, we have that energetic charge, Right? It goes through the body, right? And once the body gets raised up, it’s hard for it to go back down, Right?

And you have to look at it, when you’re going in there (to the pub to hang out with these old friends), you probably haven’t given yourself permission to be this “new Protibha” whatever she is, because this is just a creation as well, you haven’t given yourself permission maybe to be that person for them, around them, to let them see that.

And we have to see like, what does that even mean?

Because the practice, Right? All of this – is to get you to be natural and comfortable – all the time.

But this is life and whatever arises, right? And if we are just natural, then it just, it just comes easy, right? Because there’s no program, there’s no thoughts in the way. There’s no, “I should be talking like this. Acting like this. Saying this.”

I’m just natural and authentic and open and free.

Everything is fresh. Everything is fresh and that’s the other thing too, right? If you’re going into that, you’re going into that with a lot of you. A lot of “I” Right. I put this finger up, I can’t even see you anymore. All I see is my finger. “My finger.” Right?

How easy this little finger blocks out you.

So what I do, right, because there’s like, I have some friends that I have nothing in common with anymore. Nothing. But I still love them.

So when I go there, “What’s a sports man that you know, like? Yeah, for like bullshit I don’t want to talk about I just, “Hey, guys. Hey, let’s talk about something else. Wanna try this? Want to go there?”

But when I go, I am interested in that world and fascinated by it. Right? Fascinated by it. As well. Right? Because we have to see, if we want to help people, if they think that we’re not part of their team, are they going to open up to us? Are they going to reveal any of their deepest deep secrets to us? The pain that they’re holding inside? No, because you’re an enemy, then. You’re not part of the inner circle. You’re a stranger.

Strangers tell me stuff all the time – but you know, like, but you know, they’re not. Right.

So you’re going in there, and you’re going in there for you. You need to drop the you.

Student 1: There’s many things.

zen master e: There’s lots of different things. Tactile sensation. Come back to the body.

I think I told you guys this, I was training with two different Tibetan Lamas and the first teaching both of them gave to me – one followed the other – they didn’t even know each other.

“Come back to the body.”

Was like that exact first words out of both of their mouths.

“Come back to the body.”

Especially for someone like you, right? With the mind going right? Thinking thinking thinking.

This is a problem.

Student 1: I’m better. Much better.

zen master e: But – this energy of thinking, has been going on more decades than hanging out with the friends.

So we’re getting into the energy of not thinking, of no thought, of spaciousness, of seeing thoughts arise.

Being the knower that knows of these things.

So when we’re at the – going to see the friends – there’s lots of things that you can do. Right?

And part of it, we’re going to come back to your name again – Sahaja Protibha Padma.

Natural wisdom perfection, purity in every situation every moment, every person.

This name is your teaching. Huge man. Huge.

To be natural in every moment. To be authentically you. That’s the good thing about Protibha on both sides. To be authentically you, and that innate wisdom, and to see the beauty of every moment. The joy of every moment, the purity of every moment.

This life is full of creativity, right? We can’t stifle it. We see what happens when we convert a strip of land to single monoculture it can’t thrive – it needs to thrive in diversity.

So Yes, we need people just talking about talking talky stuff.

Because this is the creative display. This is the creative effulgence.
This is sheer potentiality made manifest right before your eyes in that crazy stuff. Look how crazy this is right here. But wow, that’s like, wow, people are interested in that, you know? I don’t understand it. But great. Look at the rich diversity of it all. And we can’t tamp down on that.

And we have to see yeah, like this thing that we call us – changing, changing, changing, changing, changing.

Right? And sometimes, this wrapper, and whatever comes along with it, is changing than faster than the other people in our lives. Our likes or dislikes. Most times we reify and we cling on to likes and dislikes and that’s us.

If you ever look at a dating profile, what do we put it on there? Our likes and dislikes. Right? I like to go for long walks on the beach and I’m looking for this in a partner. Right? Because we believe that’s us, right? That our likes and dislikes – they’re everchanging always changing. And something that we could like so much of then becomes a poison to us. We couldn’t get enough of it and now we were sick of it.

Ever changing. Ever changing.

But there’s still a knowing that sees the changing happening all the time. Right? That is free of the changes.

We get more and more familiar there, such that when the changes happen around us, the scenery changes, the people changes, the circumstance changes, that’s okay. It’s cool. It’s just a picture and light show anyways.

So in this situation when you go to see your friends, right? Yes. Take you out of it be interested in them. If you feel like you’re worried that like because you had version 1.0 Protibha was a little bit crappy was a little bit unskillful.

Student 1: No. No. I just get silly.

zen master e: What’s wrong with silly? I’m silly all the time. Like you’re going out to the strip clubs and doing all this stuff?

Student 1: No. No. Not at all.

Student 1: Unskillful is the right word. In gossip. Like talking about politics and becoming angry and enraged.

zen master e: We can be passionate about stuff, right? That’s cool. We don’t have enough maybe passion, and belief and gusto. Whatever the word is.

Just keep you’re doing your best like Chris was saying. Just just sit on, stay on your cushion. Stay on your throne.

Yeah, just stay on your throne. It’s the practice. The practice is everywhere. Everything. Whatever arises is your teacher.

Student 1: I like what you said about the fresh eyes. Every moment’s fresh.

zen master e: Even though like – when we walk in this room, and after the first time we stopped seeing this room. This is the crazy trick. This room has changed so many times since we’ve been in this room. You don’t even notice the subtleties, right? It’s been changed – every day they change this room in subtle little ways. It’s so interesting. Yeah. But we come in – the brain is lazy and efficient – we come in – It (the brain) doesn’t even see the room it already – it just shuts down. You know where you’re going so I don’t need the room. The room is just a fuzzy background. Do you remember coming into the room? Okay. That’s good.

Student 2: The brain remembers 50% of every story, 50% of the facts of every story, it makes up the other 50%. It tricks you into believing that made up 50% to the point where you will believe that it actually happened.

Student 1: And I think that’s true even for the stories we tell.

zen master e: Fish tails.

Student 1: It just keeps getting bigger. Changing. Thank you. That was very helpful.

zen master e: Every moment – just see it freshly.

When you start to get bored with life, that’s because you’re looking at life through old eyes, through preconceived notions, through a filter of mind and what it is.

We could spend the whole year exploring this room, and finding things to be fascinated about and go into deeper and deeper and deeper. Even to do inter-penetration meditations on each different thing.

Be curious.

What was it, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” Dale Carnegie said, “Just be curious of others.”

I’m just like, “Wow, really?” Like, I’m so fascinated by people and all the craziness we get into right? And I’m just like, “Whoa really? What’s that like? How is that?”

And it’s just amazing too right?

And how my brain works, then I’ll know, it helps me understand your story, such that if I ever get called into action to help, then I understand – all because of this influence and this pattern, and this way that they’re thinking, and that’s how they were raised, and this is the diet that they’re eating, this is the information that they’re consuming on a daily. Everything is there for me.

Yeah, so that’s my brain. It’s good at remembering these things. Right. Yeah. So that there’s that potential that I’ll be called into service at any moment, right. And then, “Oh, yeah, Accessing Chris file, you know, and I know that backstory, so I know, Okay, maybe I shouldn’t say this, I can say that. This would be a good way. Here’s a like, so I can use that angle to come in, right. And this all happens naturally. Right? It comes out. I don’t remember what I say afterwards, but it’s all – it works through understanding that person. Understanding that person, so I can help them more effectively. Right, open them up more effectively, so that they can see, right

And that’s why we like that word – taking intimacy, into Into-Me-See, right?

If we are looking into ourselves, in our own energy and our own patterns, then we start to be a little bit more compassionate, and soft with ourselves. And then people can feel that. That I can come to this person. And they’re not going to criticize me and judge me harshly because that’s not what I need. And that’s why I came to them. I need to feel that I’m not alone, that somebody can see me. Can hear me. And can feel me and what’s going on.

And the more that we’re in the practice, the more that we become sensitive to the people around us, the situations.

Because before then it’s all US! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, We’re listening to that song all day long, and we can’t see anything around us. It’s crazy how many people will just walk right into you, because they’re wrapped up in their stuff? Oh, I didn’t even see you there. Dude, I’m wearing a Hawaiian shirt. You know, because they’re just so wrapped up in one of the poisons. Greed. Wanting, not wanting, or just oblivious to it all.

Student 2: And when you get home – I think you used the term before “Reflective Mindfulness”. I you say some things that you reflect on later, and you are like, “That wasn’t very skillful.” you can use that as learning. What came up for me when I wanted to or when I said that? What was happening in my body? Like I said before, it’s learning every day. That’s what I try.

zen master e: And you have to see, if whatever arises and you didn’t handle it, so skillfully, it arose so that you can handle it skillfully the next time.

The next time and get better and better.

Everything is just play and practice.

Your’re a baby Buddha just figuring out how to be Buddha because the whole world and society and your parents and your family and everybody around you said that you were a sentient being. No. No. So you’re undoing that story.

And then when we rest in the innate freedom of mind, then there’s other potential comes through us. That’s totally different. When it’s not wrapped up in the story of “I”. Of “me” and “my wants” “my needs”.

Its natural and at ease in every moment, because every moment is you.

Just free of you.

We’re baby Buddhas. We gotta be gentle with ourselves. And it’s good, right? So you’re doing what hat did I call it pro-spective mindfulness?

You anticipate this is coming and this has been a sensitive area for you. So this is great, right? Because you’re having the wisdom, and you’re having the compassion and the insight to know this is a trigger for you. Right, This is a trigger. So we have to be mindful, and what can I do? This is great. What can I do? I need the skills, I need some more capacity. I need to see this clearly. Right? So that I can go into it.

As wel, you need to take the pressure off of you. Right? That it’s not going to be perfect.

And just allow yourself – trust.

Trust here (points to heart).

Trust the innate wisdom within you.

When we’re able – when we put everything down, including our mind and what we want, what we want that moment to be, or what we think it should be or how we think we should be and act in it, then the freshness and the freedom of that potential can be expressed more fully – through you, as you, is you. It becomes easier and easier.

And then it doesn’t matter where you are. You’re in the brothels. You’re in Budapest at a Holy shrine – Everything is fresh and natural.

The mission is clear. Mission is clear. Save all beings in every moment.

See the beauty of it all around you.

Buddha fields abound if you just look.

Are we good?

Student 1: We’re good.

zen master e: Okay, Thank you. That was a good Dharma talk.

OK – you wanna meditate?

The image in the header is of the beautiful Buddha Bar in Monte Carlo